I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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