so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
