I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
