im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
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seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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