so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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