as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
