I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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