btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
