I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
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This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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