I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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