one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
time to smoke my breakfast
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
