I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
