Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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