literally had 100 drinks last night.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
