So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
