There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
