I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Michael Bay diarrhea
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
