I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
