party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
