so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
