i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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