I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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