Duck Duck Cougar?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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