I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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