Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
