Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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