you traded sex for a burrito?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
