I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
