I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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