1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
