i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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