Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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