do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
