$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
