I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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