Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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