Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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