did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
