this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
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it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
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Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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