You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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