right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
