We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
