Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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