Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
