When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize