you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
All the doctor said was why
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
