Nicole vs. Life
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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