There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
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The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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