So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
