you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
