I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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