I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
