i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
