At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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