Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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