her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
