I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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