Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
