im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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