In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
