I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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