butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
