If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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