My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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