Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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