Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
