So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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