I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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