He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
