Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
