marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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