I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
