she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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